The Devil’s Picks: 5 Bad Jokes About Me, The Devil.

The Devil unbound: A poem about the devil

These 5 Jokes about the Devil are not funny in my opinion. You could argue that they are, but you’d be wrong.

Let’s get right to them

1 Trying to outwit the Devil

A man in the throes of greed decides to make a pact with the Devil.

       “Hi, Satan,” he says. “Hello, Bob,” Says the Devil.

       “Devil,” begins the man, “what’s a million years to you?”

       “I’m eternal,” answers the Devil, “a million years is only a second to me.”

       “Devil,” says the man again, “what’s a billion years to you?”

       “Bob, I told you, I’m eternal, a billion years is but a minute to me.”

       “Devil,” says Bob, “can I have a billion dollars?”

       “Of course,” says the Devil, “it will just take a minute.”

  I can see how some people would find this mistake humorous, but since they’re below the age of ten, they’re likely not reading my blog.

The Devil Unbound: 5 bad jokes about the Devil

2 The power outage.

Jesus and the Devil argue, as they always do, about who was better at using a computer. They argue so much that God, as he always does, decides to intervene and propose a test of skill.

“Thirty minutes,” says God, “You get to work for thirty minutes and see who can get the most done, and who does it better.”

The Devil and Jesus agree and they get to work.

Twenty minutes pass by and they work hard to outdo each other. They send emails, build websites, post blog articles, and grow their social media following. With only ten minutes to go lightning shoots across the sky and boom, the power goes out. Their computers go off and they both stare at dark screens. Jesus calmly sits back on his chair, while the Devil curses and complains as hard as he can.

Ten minutes pass and the power comes back on. The Devil searches frantically for his work and finds nothing.

“It’s all gone!” he exclaims loudly, “I lost all my work!”

Jesus on the other hand boots up his computer and begins to show God all his great work.

“How?” asks the Devil, “How does he still have everything?”

“simple,” replied God, “Jesus saves.”

Any attempt at humour that makes me look technically illiterate falls short of the mark.

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3 Words

Have you heard about the dyslexic Devil worshipper? She sold her soul to santa.

Again, people under the age of ten…

The Devil Unbound: 5 bad jokes about me, the Devil

4 The lawsuit

A man down on his luck and desperate for money makes his way home from her another unsuccessful job search. As he approaches his house, which the bank is about to take, the Devil appears to him and asks him to sell his soul to him.

“I can make it all better, Bob.” Says the Devil, “I can solve all your money problems in exchange for your soul.

In desperation, Bob decides to take the Devil’s offer and they proceed to sign a contract written in the man’s blood. In the contract, the Devil agrees not to take Bob’s soul for ten years. A decade goes by and the Devil comes up to collect his property.

“I’m taking you to court,” says the man to the Devil, “There is a problem with the contract and I don’t have to hold up my end of the deal.”

In court, Bob says to the states his case to the judge. “You see, your honour, the problem is in the writing, it’s a Type-O.”

Aside from lacking creativity, this sad excuse for a joke make a grave mistake: I don’t ask for souls, I take them, and others just give them to me.

The Devil Unbound: 5 terrible jokes about the Devil

5 The worst pun

What do you call a devil, that can’t swim?


I’m proud to find these jokes distasteful.


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— A Judgemental Devil


    1. Ha ha! Yes, we should laugh at ourselves. The funny thing (see what I did there?) is that I’m known for liking “bad” jokes. I just couldn’t laugh at these ones.

      Thank you for reading 🙂

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