The Devil’s Opinion: The Conspiracy of Conspiracies and Who The Real Sheep Is

green leafed trees

Think about this, and this is purely speculative on my part, but a conspiracy of conspiracies makes sense. 

And because this is the Devil’s blog, we’ll continue with the premise that I am the brightest star in the room. 

Conspiracy of conspiracies
Photo by Ruslan Alekso

As you position yourself on the floor to begin touching yourself to the sound of my voice in your head yet again, understand that there is a method for my madness. 

Imagine a day when conspiracy folks realise that the crazy ideas their cult leaders feed them are part of a ploy to keep them misinformed and control them.

How do you subvert a significant portion of a population ideologically to oppress them? 

You lead them to believe the opposite of what they need to think to be free and safe. You move them away from the safety of the group. 

Now, I would be remiss in defending all groupthink and tribalism stemming from in-group ideologies. Too often, the consequences of thinking like everyone else are detrimental to individual happiness. Orgies are one of the most excellent outcomes of collective thought, especially when the price of admission is anything more obscure than tears of joy and ecstasy. 

Along the same lines, some circumstances are only optimal when you consider the bulk of a group. Democracy or the stability of any fair political model depends on a well-informed, committed majority. 

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CONSPIRACY of conspiracies, you say?

Radical conspiracists, the misinformed, and the willfully ignorant call those who comply with social norms sheep, alluding to the herd mentality of that animal. 

And while the insult is potent in specific contexts, consider the following while pondering the ideas of safety and happiness. 

How do predators hunt and kill animals that run in herds? 

They often look for the weak, perhaps injured or less intelligent, and separate them from the herd to slaughter them. 

Lions do this strategically in the wild. Wolves follow simple pack tactics to hunt large game successfully. 

Computational simulations, or that shit that tends to confuse the people who understand it, have shown that complex communication is not essential to the success of wolf-pack hunting strategies – they only have to follow two simple rules. 

“The results of the study were that two simple rules were sufficient to reproduce the actual wolf-pack behaviour of tracking, pursuing and encircling prey seen in the wild. The rules were, firstly, move towards the prey until at a close but safe distance (the distance depending on factors such as the length of horns), and then secondly, when at the minimum safe distance, to move away from the other wolves which are also in position.”
Conspiracy of conspiracies
Photo by David Selbert

The parallels between human ideological subversion and animal hunting are many. Charlatans and snake-oil salesmen are adept at tracking and pursuing vulnerable people. They prey on vulnerabilities exacerbated by fear and anxiety. They actively look for problems and offer false solutions. 

Cult leaders approach their recruits slowly and safely. Moreover, these cult heads and conspiracy proponents are pack hunters. 

The payoff for taking down an animal with lions and wolves is sustenance for the pack or pride. However, for conspiracy “theory” peddlers, it’s almost always financial gain or a nefarious intention. 

I’ll submit again that some conspiratorial thinking is practical, as it can alert you to government misconduct or the trap of a poorly organised orgy. You know, the ones where they serve dinner before they… 

Still, the range of anti-vaccine propositions and the animal cruelty defended by culture and tradition are two of the nastier results of disinformation.

The conspiracy of conspiracies makes sense – it follows natural patterns:

  1. Inject bad ideas into the group to promote fear and lousy thinking.
  2. Identify the weaker group members as they move away from safety in reaction to those bad ideas.
  3. Take them down and consume them. 

There is much more to say about this issue. The attribution of intelligent, albeit wicked intention to conspiracy “theories” might be fallacious. If, for example, the vast majority of conspiracy enthusiasts are uneducated and seemingly unintelligent, the strategic hunting hypothesis becomes statistically insignificant. 

Although, when you point to statistics, you see that minorities have affected the majority profoundly throughout history. The negative impact of extremism usually comes from small groups of vociferous, aggressive, maladjusted assholes who believe they know better than everyone else. 

Read my wonderful exposition on why statistics are only a starting point in research to understand the dangers of using statistics to prove a point. I remain, it seems, the brightest one in the room.

But worse than those who believe that they know what is better for everyone else are those who know their ideas are harmful and continue to spread them for personal advancement. The drivers of the conspiracy of conspiracies, as it were.

What a delicious pleasure it would be – almost as sweet as any tear-jerking gangbang – to have them in my version of hell. An arrangement in which they would suffer the overwhelming anxiety of knowing that everyone can think critically and their lies are as inconsequential as odourless flatulence. 

Thank you for reading.

— The Devil Unbound

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